Thursday, January 28, 2010

Apostolic Visitation II: Nunjas!!!

This Time We Are Not Taking No For An Answer

by Matt and Patrick Archbold

The Apostolic Visitation started last year with reports of concerns, irregularities about a secular mentality or even a feminist spirit pervading America’s female religious. A letter from the Vatican followed. A simple request and a questionnaire to help the sisters and to respond to concerns for their welfare.
And then things got ugly. Many women religious teamed up and refused to comply. It was like Norma Rae but with off-the-rack gender neutral pantsuits.

But now, in a world where the Vatican’s Apostolic Visitation was rebuffed, many Sisters forgot something. One very important thing. You never ignore Rome.

While many wondered what the Vatican’s response would be, the second wave of the Apostolic Visitation will be carried out under the cover of darkness by…NUNJAS!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when liberated sisters thought it was safe to go back to tai-chi class…Apostolic Visitation II: Nunjas!!! And this time they’re not taking no for an answer.

Make no mistake, these are not your ordinary nuns. They don’t correct the wayward with rulers. When NUNJAS correct you, you stay corrected. They are NUNJAS! These Nunjas mock albino monk assassins…to their pasty white faces.

Their mission in the dead of night is to sneak into the Lair of the “Sisters of Perpetual Liberation” and exorcise their meditation rooms, replace crystals with rosaries, replace Pantsuits with habits, change their cable plan replacing HBO with EWTN (A litle less “Big Love” and a little more “Life on the Rock), tear down all Sr. Joan Chittister posters from their bedrooms, perform secret Nunja Sleeper hold on radicalized sisters like Sister Mary Rainforest and have them wake up with the Nashville Dominicans just in time for Eucharistic Adoration, and confiscate all rainbow lapel pins.

When it comes to NUNJAS Resistance is futile…but preferred.

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